internal competition

i am constantly trying to beat myself at something. cleaning, organizing, planning, just something. it makes my jaw hurt sometimes. looking at the blogs of others is another keeping up with the joneses for me. i wish i had the time and patience to make my blog pretty and full of pictures. i even looked at the hello thing and dl it but i did not have the patience to do it. yet. enter the internal competition i have with myself and whoever else is trying to control my brain.

back to work

although i didn't want to, i got up today and went to work. at least the jeep still has the top down. ethan and i froze happily on the way to school....he had his fleece on and i had mine, i wore my glovies but he chose to sport the nice yellow fleece blanket i have in the jeep. i washed my jeep yesterday and took great care on those dang faded fender flares. the 4runner has fender flares and they never fade, what is up with that? toyota has better plastic? seems so!!! but my jeep looks so sharp. all she needs is 34" tires and all the lift, and i'll be ready.

i am so impressed by many of my students. they all knew she was sick, and those that asked about her got the story, tears and all. i got a lot of hugs from my younger set, such a nice bit of love. i got to tell how maggie's energy will live on through the tree we planted by her burial site. maybe it will help these kids somewhere in life.

onward and upward, it's barely noon thirty.

my beloved girl, Maggie

maggie has died. she died at home, on the couch, after fighting the good fight as long as her body was able. watching her last breath was difficult, but seeing her without any struggle was peaceful. she has such a big piece of my heart, i am tearing up again just writing this. i got tears after opening the freezer and seeing the bags of veggies i bought for her, knowing they would not be nourishing her body.....
whether or not it is true, i feel that she had other issues that could have been resolved, when i took her to the vet friday, they said her lungs sounded ok and she would be ok, but they gave her a bronchiodilator anyways, to help her lungs....i still thing she had pneumonia as well, because she had wet, labored breathing, but the vet didn't hear it. well, my dog slept by me and i could hear it all night. despite her meds which helped i think at least a little, her body was ready to rest. God I miss her. She panted hard for her last hour, and couldn't swallow, she was dripping from her mouth. Her poor little body was not able to carry on, she took her last breath by my side. I miss her so much, my Maggie dog, with me for about 9 years. I miss my baby girl.