an actual unretouched post

as i sit here contemplating what the hell to write, i realize that it's been one heck of a long time since i've actually written something to read. i've become quite good at quizzes, friday's feasts, and the like. just dipping toes in depth of personality, but not getting to the meat. or tofu. or aduki beans, whatever the hell you like. maybe i like to think i like revealing myself, but i really don't. maybe i think that i'm interesting, but i'm really not. not trying to invite comments here, really. i am just as interesting as the next girl or fella, i know. but anyways.

maybe i don't know what to write. maybe i am thinking too much of what someone might want to read. maybe not. i've never felt so torn in all my life as i have in the past year and a half. i used to be a split second decision maker. move to nc, check. have the baby, check. go to grad school, check. all the biggies were made quickly. now, i have a biggie to make and i feel so stuck, because i'm not thinking of me, but of others. since when is it supposed to be disabling to consider the wants/needs/emotions of others? or is it a complete misinterpretation of what i might be considering? no. i've asked. i know the conditions. (screaming and tantruming, on the inside-of course!)

i just tried to post a pic or two from the memory stick, but it won't appear on my computer. time to fix it. grrr.

things are otherwise going well. went home this past weekend, had a fabulous time with an amazing person. spent quality time and ate spicy as hell thai. no negatives that i can think of.

ready for those mountains. they are callin!