saturday

ethan's party was awesome. he had so much fun and his friends had a ball. i made a great connection with the owner. she said that she'd offer her space for the autism society to meet, free of charge. what's more, she offered me a key. can you believe that? she had mentioned that she allowed one group to do that and when i told her what i was doing, she just offered. that is so classy.
vacuumed jeep, leaf-blowed/blew the yard. played with ethan with some of his new toys. he's watching spacecamp again. we love that movie. i love the black jeep in the beginning. nice and topless...mmmm.....such excitement.
biting my nails too much.
trying to analyze things that haven't happened yet. that's a sure sign that i think too much. i suppose it's just analysis of choices and possible outcomes. that's the 'what if' syndrome that i can never get away from. i'm afraid if i do, then i will just be complacent and i don't know what that is like. but what if i like it? then what.
i love pearl jam. or do i love the feelings i get when i hear them, from the memories of time gone by, what was going on in my life when i first heard the song. what is it that i like about music?
i can't stop fantasizing about jacking up my yellow jeep. it's such a strong want. i really try not to talk about it too much for fear of being looked at funny for yet another thing. that and i don't have a lot of people who care to hear about my desires over and over. so i talk to ethan about it. he loves talking about big tires and lift kits. he can spot a lifted vehicle a mile away. he's awesome.
random thought/blip of energy-
there are relationships for different reasons. not every relationship is meant to be defined.
yes? no?