oh. sigh. it feels so good to swing slowly in this hammock in my mind. i do a lot of thinking here, usually to some memory music. i'll hear a tune, usually from a summer, and go lay down, feel the warm breeze, and just let the thoughts out to play. tonight i started with regrets. i usually don't have those, but the regrets are not because of an action, but inaction. maybe it's the mindfucking i give myself on occasion. sometimes i think things are one way with a person, but in reality concerning the other party, they may be quite different. or is it the other party hiding true feelings. i am confident of my right-ness. or is it just a fantasy? relationships are so fascinating to me. i usually act how i feel. pretty much my heart on my sleeve, good or bad. the intensity of my feelings are too much to hide inside. they emerge one way or another. pieces of different puzzles come at me without warning. and i'm not sure i'm interpreting them properly. now i know why i don't watch a lot of movies or read a lot of fiction.
my oh my i'm having so many feelings run through me right now. it's almost tickling me.
and music brings it on the most. sometimes i think of someone or something and become convinced that that person is thinking of it too. like it's impossible to be alone. maybe it's wishful thinking? maybe i should switch to no thinking. i'm thinking i shouldn't post this. it's obnoxious to think that someone is thinking of me at the same time i'm thinking of them. anyone. nobody in particular.
it's very cold here. i want my spring back please. my plants are shivering, and my tree doesn't like this chilly chilly rain. maybe it's nicer outside than it is under my desk where my feet are freezing. going to make some bracelets.
and think and think and think.
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